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Is it me or does it seem the quality of our minions and underlings is slipping? Long ago you could find yourself a group of evil, strong and worshipful lackeys to do your bidding and manage your evil lair. These days with the Evil Minion Union (EMU) you can't even get a good 100 hour work week out of them. What irks me most is the continuing problem of lack of shooting skills. No matter how much target practice I put them through they can't hit a target (or government agent for that matter) to save their lives.
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Boston
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Re: Minion problems
Mon, April 25, 2005 - 10:38 AMI disagree. I think (given the continuing stupefaction of the masses) minions are way easier to come buy these days. Perhaps you aren't picking from the barrels of desperation. The best minions come in the worst packages. Try a nice minion with low self esteem. They always aim to please... -
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Re: Minion problems
Sun, May 8, 2005 - 3:09 PMWell, that's exactly my issue. Why must we pick from the dregs of society? Couldn't we develop a mass media type of hypnotic device entrapping the most talented and developed minds. No, broadcast television does NOT count.
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Re: Minion problems
Mon, April 25, 2005 - 12:08 PMI had similar minion problems until I had my HR department adopt the Klang personality triangle. It quickly identifed the major skill sets of my underlings helped determined which ones would get the more complicated jobs and which ones could be used for equipment "demonstrations". -
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Re: Minion problems
Mon, April 25, 2005 - 12:12 PMOops, I forgot the triangle. Dr. Klang divided all his new recruits into three groups:
1. Lost drunken men who don't know where they are and no longer care.
2. Lost drunken men who don't know where they are, but do care.
3. Men who know where they are and care, but don't drink. -
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Re: Minion problems
Tue, April 26, 2005 - 11:57 AMOh, I know what you mean about the EMU. I solved that problem: I invited the union reps to dinner.
Given my reputation, they were quite frightened by that alone. I didn't even need to use the trap doors, the sharks, the fidgety midgets with flame-throwing bras.
More's the pity.
After that, the local chapter of the EMU is basically another front organization within my secret evil empire.
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Re: Minion problems
Tue, April 26, 2005 - 1:36 PMCan I ask where you got your midgets? My supplier has run out and it's just not the same ambience without the pitter-patter of little feet. -
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Re: Minion problems
Tue, April 26, 2005 - 5:02 PMWell, they aren't midgets, per se. Remember my post a few weeks ago asking for various items, including junior-sized restraints? Well, since then my bio-lab worked overtime in to supply me with an army of cyborg children.
The EMU reps were going to be the first ... combat simulation involving civilians. When I have about 5000 or so...
Oh, dear, I do have a bad habit of starting a monologue and just running on and on. Last time it almost got me killed.
(Perhaps I'll start a thread asking how everyone resists that impulse whenever you have some goody two-shoes hanging by his thumbs... ah well. another day.)
You will forgive me if I say no more, won't you?
Once the cyborg production facility is fully operational, I will be happy to provide you - free of charge - as many pre-programmed killer robots as you would like! They are very useful.
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Re: Minion problems
Tue, April 26, 2005 - 7:24 AMI've just outsourced them to India.
